Live moves On October 31, 2008

In the last few days, I’ve noticed that my Beta fish, Berkley, was looking a little under the weather.  He’s getting a bit bloated, not eating as much, looking a bit silverish, and not being as active.  I made sure he had fresh water, added a little bit of electrolyte stuff to boost his health and still he went down hill.  This warranted a visit to the pet store where they told me Betas only live for about one year.  His birthday is coming up – ofcourse I don’t know the exact date but I got him late November, early December of last year.  This means I will most likely be saying good by to my dear Beta in awhile.  This makes me really sad.  He’s been such a great pet – fun to watch, easy to care for, hardy and strong, and cheap.   I enjoy having him around to talk to when I’m around my apartment.  He really is fun to watch too with his beautiful fins and funny fighting stance when he thinks his territory is being threatened.  Ah well, life moves on.

This along with some other circumstances have made me think about my life and how recently I’ve been hopping around so much.  My commitment to many things in the past couple years hasn’t lasted more than a year or two.  Specifically the job sector.  I keep asking me why that is.  Is it just b/c I usually can’t get anything but a part time job so when something better comes a long I jump on it?  Is it because I have commitment issues?  Is it because I’m afraid, don’t know what I want, or just so unsure that I’m not good at being grounded?

I still haven’t figured that all out yet but as I was leaving the pet store thinking about the impending death of my beautiful Berkley I wondered if I would get a new Beta or a different kind of fish when he dies.  Another friend to talk to at home .  But then I thought, he’s only going to live a year too, that’s sad.  And I pondered the idea of getting a pet that lives longer.  Not a cat or dog – too much work and money.  I saw the birds and thought, “Now that would be fun.”  I know birds live longer than one year and they’re also fun to watch – however, they make noise, not sure how I’d feel about that.  The parakeets are only $20 so pretty afordable adn pretty to look at.  A certain canary seemed as interested in me as I was in it.  But……plans are to move to a different country soon and they probably wouldn’t welcome a bird from another country.  Transporting it probably wouldn’t work either.  I’m not sure how they would take pressure on a plane.  THey’re heads are so small, would they explode form the pressure? 

I guess that means either I’ll be petless or back with a Beta……..more to come on this most likely.

Meandering Struggles to Reconcile October 17, 2008

I’ve been reading a lot about Human Trafficking lately. Yesterday I got the book, ‘A Crime So Monstrous’ by E. Benjamin Skinner through interlibrary loan. I immediately turned to the chapters that speak about trafficking in Europe. Sometimes I think perhaps it’s not as bad as it used to be because I don’t find reports on some of the places I had a few years ago. And now there are plenty of mandates and laws against it. But this horrendous act against God’s creation is far from over. I’m sure these stories don’t affect me as they do those who have heard them firsthand but oh how they break my heart. Just hearing (or rather reading) the stories makes your heart grieve, ache, stop at times. But what must it be like to be the storytellers? Those whose atrocious experiences are far beyond my wildest, darkest, imagination nightmares. And while I’m glad Skinner is helping millions of us understand what’s happening in deep, dark pockets in every corner of this earth, I also grieve for his heart and mind as they must replay the gruesome scenes he witnessed around the world. I pray God heals and renews his mind and heart.

But the more I learn, the more my heart aches, the more I long to be part of the army of soldiers rising to combat this underground war. Right now my role can only be advocacy and prayer.

As I’ve been thinking about such things, however, I’ve had a hard time reconciling some things. When I was at Ozark Christian College and even before that living at home, I lived in a euphoria of naivete. I knew there was hunger, I knew there was suffering and pain but it didn’t touch me. I lived in a state of suburbia influenced complacency in my view of the world. Even when I went to Turkey, I often let this naive view of the world take over. Perhaps that was grace that kept me from becoming soaked in the depressing realities that we so often don’t see around us.

Still I’m having a hard time reconciling all of this past and present with the dark realities beyond some of our doorsteps. I don’t want my past “innocence” to govern my future. But I also don’t want to lose the hope that prevailed in that. I want to know more and become more involved in helping those who are abused by evil selfishness but I never want to lose hope, I never want to lose peace and I never want to lose joy – all of which can only come from Above.

Lastly, please pray for those sold into slavery – in many different forms today. Pray for those who abuse and take advantage of those who cannot stand up for themselves. Pray for those who use these slaves. They all need prayer, they all need healing, they all need truth, and they all need their Savior.