This week I begin my journey through the Artist Way study. I’m very excited to see what it will reveal, what I will learn, how my view and ideas may change. This first chapter was already eye-opening and difficult to think through sometimes. Looking back at our monsters that have discouraged us from doing something we love is not fun. I find that I’ve blocked a lot of them from my mind yet their influence has greatly affected my art. I often feel “artist block” when painting, writing, playing the piano. I was once discussing my inability to improvise on the piano like my brother does, wishing I could. My mentor told me she thought it was just a mind game I was letting myself fall into. She believed I probably could do that if I really wished to. She’s definitely one of my “champions” 
Looking back I’ve often realized that growing up all I ever really wanted to be involved in was some sort of art. Art moves me like nothing else, whether its a story, a picture, a movie, a song. I LOVE art in all its many forms. But somewhere along the line I convinced myself that art is not where one should spend all of their time. It shouldn’t be one’s life focus my mind has told me, it should only be a hobby. So I’ve pushed all forms that I’ve loved and enjoyed doing to the side to pursue a “responsible” career.
In all of this I’ve always felt confused as to what God made me for and where He wants me to be. Which I know is why I am still in school. I still feel confused about where art comes into my life and what role it should play. There are so many things I want to do, to be involved in so its hard for me to make decisions. Indecisive people often get to me, probably b/c I am so indecisive myself.
In this chapter I also felt myself identifying with the “shadow artists”. I think I often become one of those. I’ve often said my dream job would be travelling as a “back-up singer.” But probably that would get old. I’m even having a hard time being a teachers’ helper after only a few weeks b/c I have all these ideas and wish I didn’t have to just do things the way the schools and teachers think they should be done.
Well, I think this study is going to be very challenging and eye-opening and extremely helpful. I’m just hoping I can transform into a morning person for those morning journalings! I’ve never been good at waking up on time!!!
I’ve also just started The Artist’s Way (today is day 2 for me). I didn’t quite get up at 6 like I intended; I only got my pages done after husband and kids left the house; I wonder if it matters. Funny–I always wanted to be a back-up singer too; now, at age 42, I’m finally singing with a group of friends. Good luck!!
“This first chapter was already eye-opening and difficult to think through sometimes.”
No kidding – I met a lot of resistance just reading through the chapter, then at some point something released and it got easier. I wonder if each week will be like that?
I identified with the shadow artists as well. I became a graphic designer since being a fine artist wasn’t a responsible career. I think this study really is going to do us all a world of good.
I always feel conflicted about being an artist (visually, musically, literary) and try to do something with it. I never tried to do anything in terms of majoring in it (just minoring) because I wanted to make a living. But even my vocation doesn’t seem too satisfying, although it does allow for artistic time, I guess. It’s weird being given a gift, but not being able to use it. Or not knowing how to do so. It almost feels like a curse sometimes and you wish you had no interest in it, but wish you were good at making money.
Like Brainwash Projects says:
“I wake up from paper cuts that serve as a reminder of why I must escape the clutches of my occupation, hard to concentrate on what I was hired to do so I can make the pay, I seem to be trapped in a stalemate. My nine to five generates indispensable revenue for my survival, but I don’t fit in this piece.”
It’s tough to follow with abandon what you were put here for.
It’s tough to know what you wanna do or have the courage to pursue it. Like Tori Amos says:
“We’ll see how brave you are.
We’ll see how fast you’ll be running.”
I know exactly what you mean. I had some aunts tell me I should take some art classes when I was younger but I never pursued it. I had in my head that “art’ can’t pay the bills so I need to pursue something else. I tried music for awhile because I do enjoy it but it just wasn’t where my heart was at. I’m not as creative in music as I am in fine art so it became laborious at times. So, I dropped out of that.
I’m looking forward to Prague because it will open up doors to be creative and implement my gifts in ministry. We’ll see what happens and where that leads……probably in a direction I couldn’t even imagine.
Now I’m becoming an English teacher b/c I can do English and I do like to teach. But it’s not where my heart is at either.