My First Artist Date!! September 10, 2008

I went on my first artist date yesterday!  This is a suggestion by the book I am reading called, “The Artist’s Way”.  When you go on an artist date, you take your “artist” self out to be inspired or just enjoy something artistically. 
I really wanted to go to the high school soccer game so I decided that could be my artist date.  As sat and enjoyed the game (because soccer is just so amazing of a sport), I also watched how the sunlight played on the players.  The sun was setting a bit in the late afternoon so it created really great shadows across the field and people.  Now I have some great ideas for a painting if I ever get the time to paint.

Morning pages have not started off well with me.  I did the first day and now haven’t done any.  I have been in the process of moving so Ihaven’t even had a lot of time to sleep and eat.   But maybe if I do my pages at a different time of the day they would work out better for me.  I’m not a morning person, and nights are better so maybe I will try something that works for me better.

Deep Day September 8, 2008

This morning at church a teacher was talking about false summits and how we fill our lives with false summits b/c we are looking for the ultimate summit ( a relationship with our heavenly Father) but get distracted by what we believe might be fulfilling.  It made me think about what I am actively pursuing.  Am I actively pursuing the goals I say are in my life.  I say I want to go to Europe, am I actively pursuing that?  I say I want to live my life for Jesus, am I always actively pursuing a relationship with him?  I say I want to graduate, am I actively working on my Thesis so that I can?  Tough questions, even tougher to answer when I know the answer isn’t what I wish it would be.

Tonight, I was watching a video w/ some people and the man (forgot his name) asked this question, “Do you truly believe that what you believe is really real?”  It made me think about this morning and my thoughts on my pursuits.  If I truly believe in something then my pursuits will be a testimony of that.  My thoughts what I fill each day with will prove that I do in fact believe that it is real.  So, in restrospect, has what I have been filling my days with been acting as a testimony to what I say I believe?  Words are so easy to spew but when we look at our actions and what we do with each day………well, it’s humbling.

Living out what I say can really be a struggle for me.  I am an idealist – truly, that’s what the personality tests tell me.   An idealist is good at coming up with ideas, saying what needs to be said, offering suggestions but does not always follow through.  An idealist is creative but does not always act on those creative musings or inspirations.  I’m not always an initiator.  That’s something I have to consciously work on…….

The Artist Way begins September 2, 2008

This week I begin my journey through the Artist Way study.  I’m very excited to see what it will reveal, what I will learn, how my view and ideas may change.  This first chapter was already eye-opening and difficult to think through sometimes.  Looking back at our monsters that have discouraged us from doing something we love is not fun.  I find that I’ve blocked a lot of them from my mind yet their influence has greatly affected my art.  I often feel “artist block” when painting, writing, playing the piano.  I was once discussing my inability to improvise on the piano like my brother does, wishing I could.  My mentor told me she thought it was just a mind game I was letting myself fall into.  She believed I probably could do that if I really wished to.  She’s definitely one of my “champions”

Looking back I’ve often realized that growing up all I ever really wanted to be involved in was some sort of art.  Art moves me like nothing else, whether its a story, a picture, a movie, a song.  I LOVE art in all its many forms.  But somewhere along the line I convinced myself that art is not where one should spend all of their time.  It shouldn’t be one’s life focus my mind has told me, it should only be a hobby.  So I’ve pushed all forms that I’ve loved and enjoyed doing to the side to pursue a “responsible” career. 

In all of this I’ve always felt confused as to what God made me for and where He wants me to be.  Which I know is why I am still in school.  I still feel confused about where art comes into my life and what role it should play.  There are so many things I want to do, to be involved in so its hard for me to make decisions.   Indecisive people often get to me, probably b/c I am so indecisive myself.

In this chapter I also felt myself identifying with the “shadow artists”.  I think I often become one of those.  I’ve often said my dream job would be travelling as a “back-up singer.”  But probably that would get old.  I’m even having a hard time being a teachers’ helper after only a few weeks b/c I have all these ideas and wish I didn’t have to just do things the way the schools and teachers think they should be done.  

Well, I think this study is going to be very challenging and eye-opening and extremely helpful.  I’m just hoping I can transform into a morning person for those morning journalings!  I’ve never been good at waking up on time!!!